3 posts tagged “pain”
just when i thought i'm ok, doing better... here goes a tug on the heartstrings... another relapse.
over the past few days, i'm feeling kinda better over that break up thing. a month had passed, and of course, for the first few weeks, it's acceptable to grieve. there will be times when i would really hate thinking about him. but like what they say, the more you hate, the more you love... or should i say, the more you love, the more you hate?
i came across his page and i saw this girl's testimonial which i admit, had left me hurt, more, again...
you see, it's not that easy... 7 years of loving this guy is really not a joke. we already made plans... he's going back, we'll marry on this date, and so on... we've gone through a lot in life... we've been there for each other through the ups and downs... and sad to say, it must end.
we've been friends like for about 2 years before we became "us". so that adds 2 years to the 7, making it 9 years of memories i have to bury deep.
you know how people say, "girl, you're gonna get through this" or "go on a date" or "you'll be ok" and so on...
arrrrgggghhhh...
i know i'll get through this... i know i'll date again, and have a new relationship eventually. it's just that this phase is really difficult. i sometimes wish i'll have alzheimer's for a while, just to forget all the pain and sadness, so as to let the day pass without remembering a single thing about what happened. or i just wish i was lucy (50 first dates), so whatever happens today on my life will be forgotten tomorrow.
it's just sad how we can hurt the one we love...
i was really looking forward to be with him, eventually. you see we have this long-distance relationship. it's really tough, we've been on and off on our relationship because of the distance factor. both instances have the same reason: he really cannot bear it anymore.
i always tell myself, "i only deserve the best" and i surely do. a friend once told me, "mhoi, tatahi-tahimik ka lang, pero grabe pala pinagdadaanan mo." (translation: "mhoi, you're just being quiet, but you're going through a tough one.")
you know how you can be assured by friends surrounding you, telling you you're gonna be ok, that you'll find someone better, someone who'll love you, and not leave you hanging. surely, i'm so thankful for all the people who are so much supportive. i thank God for all these people and i thank Him for hanging around me and bearing with me.
you can have all the people you need for your support system, but in the end... there's just me, only me, against all these...
ps.
i kept quiet, trying to be quiet, thinking that talking about it will just trigger more pain.
now i'm thinking otherwise... i guess, being more vocal will help, that's why i'm writing more specifically now, unlike on my previous posts, they're just figurative.
days pass by
i can't quite distinguish
moving on,
had it diminished?
feeling happy
then i'll feel sad, more...
this is a relapse,
sometimes i just abhor...
the process of moving on
stop, go, pause
go, pause, stop
pause, stop, go
going? going, going...still hanging?
no... yes?
no? yes...
i'm moving on...
i think i really hate reading that stupid page...
kills me evertime...
so much painful...
why not talk to me, talk to me, talk to me!
i've been like this for the past weeks, i think 2 months now to be exact...
i think i deserve to be treated nicely,
my feelings to be respected...
i deserve to know!
i know i'll be ok after this
that's how fast i can recover
but the scar's already marked...
deeply cut.
