goodbye (for now, but not forever)

it's 1:16am, and i'm still awake. we just came from lola's*. this time we did not come from the hospital, but we came from the chapel where she's sleeping. it feels different, as i got used to the routine of running back and forth the hospital, the pharmacy, and our home.

tonight, i contemplate through what have happened during the past month. it had been stressful, because there are a lot of things that have happened. things you wouldn't think of happening but they happened nonetheless. it's like a combination of several soap operas combined into just one. one thing i can say for sure, lola was taken by our Lord, perhaps He doesn't want her to suffer anymore, since she has gone through a lot.

lola passed away last sunday, at almost 9am, contrary to the earlier information that she passed away last saturday (sorry to my friends, but my sister called me on my way to lucena, and groggy as i still am due to lack of sleep from my previous shift, i answered her call, surprised about her sad news). technically, she almost left by then, if not for the nurses who tried to revive her as opposed to my uncles' and aunts' decision (since lola's body deteriorated gradually due to multi-organ failure and the doctors suggested not to revive her in case, also she is too weak already).

i believe it's also a blessing in disguise, since i know she's still waiting for someone. not all of her sons and daughters were able to go there on her death bed last saturday. i was on my way from manila to lucena and will be attending a friend's wedding after lunch, and thankful as i am, i may have not seen her still alive, even though seeing her at that state is really unpleasant.

it's a good thing though, that my uncle (whom i believe was one of those she's really waiting for) went there and paid respect, talking to lola for the last time (even though we know she can't reply, still we do know she heard everything). most especially, we were able to have a priest bless her.

i just hope and pray that sooner or later, she'll be able to accept what happened, because i know how strong her will to live is.

i'd also like to say thank you to all those who have expressed their support and prayers.

to lola, wherever you are, you may be standing right by my side right now, i don't know... but all i know is that i would like to say, thank you. you have been an epitome of real, great, selfless love that not everyone can show. i feel so blessed to have you as my grandmother. you surely left a legacy in our hearts and will forever be remembered.

♥i love you lola.♥

*lola - tagalog/filipino word for grandmother